7 Days of Underhill - Day 7 "THE BILL"

EPISODE 21: 7 Days of Underhill - Day 7

On Day 7, we break down "THE BILL." Yes, thats right, the $400 Lunch Bill that Fletch charges on Underhill's account doesn't make a whole lot of sense. We itemize every line item on that bill and find out what Ted REALLY OWES! Plus we fantasize about endless Underhill scenarios. Enjoy the final day of Underhill, brought to life by William Traylor.

So head out for your urinalysis and we'll be back again tomorrow!

NOTE: This week of episodes are inspired by the amazing "Blast Points Podcast." Blast Points is a Star Wars podcast that deep dives into the weird, wacky, and  "outside the box" topics of a Galaxy Far Far away. They did "7 Days of Dengar" that was out of this world. Jason & Gabe, thank you for being our muse!
https://blastpointspodcast.com/

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FletchCast is Your Ultimate source for everything Fletch: the books, the movies, & the latest news about our favorite journalistic reporter, Irwin M. Fletcher.

Host: James "Laker Jim" Kanowitz (@webguy911)
Co-Host: Jake Parrish (@jakelparrish)
Co-Host: Bob West


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P.S. Have a nice day. 

Fletch  & Fletch Lives are Copyright 1985, 1989 Universal Studios and distributed by MCA/Universal Pictures.  The Fletch Soundtrack is Copyright MCA Records. 
All images and sounds are the intellectual property of Universal Studios. They are used only with the intent of public appreciation of a great film and possible 
publicity for its place among the great comedies of our time. We imply no rights to the characters created by both Gregory McDonald and Universal. 

FletchCast is Your Ultimate source for everything Fletch: the books, the movies, & the latest news about our favorite journalistic reporter, Irwin M. Fletcher.

... making sure Fletch Lives forever!

Host: James "Laker Jim" Kanowitz (@webguy911)
Co-Host: Jake Parrish (@jakelparrish)
Co-Host: Robert "Big Bob" West


Follow Us on Social Media:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imfletchcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/imfletchcast
Twitter: https://twitter.com/imfletchcast


P.S. Have a nice day. 

Fletch  & Fletch Lives are Copyright 1985, 1989 Universal Studios and distributed by MCA/Universal Pictures.  The Fletch Soundtrack is Copyright MCA Records. Confess, Fletch is Copyright of Miramax with Paramount distribution. All images and sounds are the intellectual property of Universal Studios. They are used only with the intent of public appreciation of a great film and possible publicity for its place among the great comedies of our time. We imply no rights to the characters or intellectual property created by Gregory McDonald, Universal or Miramax and is used for educational purposes only. 

Transcript

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 0:00

There's a need to fear. The underhills are here.

FletchCast Intro 0:12

Broadcasting fly live and around the world. Around the world from Cabana One. The only podcast that's all ball bearings. Your ultimate source for everything Fledge. Thank you, Doc. Ever serve time? Laker Gym and its beef reporters will stop at nothing to make sure Fletch lives forever. Forever. They don't shower much. This is Fletchcast.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 0:53

Welcome, Fletch fans, to day seven of seven days of unearl. I honestly did not think we were going to make it this far. I'm your host, Laker Jim, along with me, as always, Jake and Big Bob. Boys, we made it. Damn it, we made it.

"Big Bob" West 1:08

Who would have thought a couple Malaccas like us could make it to day seven?

Jake Parrish 1:11

I know. I mean, we are really digging deep. I mean, we are at the bottom of the barrel, I think, right now.

"Big Bob" West 1:18

This is taking a lot a lot out of me. Well, day seven is supposed to be a day of rest. Not till we're done with a very important job today. Just a minute, I'm not finished yet.

Jake Parrish 1:27

And what's goes along good with a day of rest, but a big meal. Maybe some lobst lobster thermidor and Dom Perry on Jesus H Christ. I mean, sounds good to me.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 1:39

So that's the focus of day seven. We take the biggest thorn out of Underhill's side and we start, and we're gonna break down the bill that just sets him off. So there's something that just doesn't make sense, and it never really made sense. And I never never really took the time to add everything up. Okay. When Underhill finally gets the bill, he yells,$400 for lunch. Now you think, oh, that's that's huge money in 1985, right? The$400 lunch. That's easily a grand lunch now. Right. But when you really add things up, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. So let's remind everybody what he ordered. Okay.

"Big Bob" West 2:16

Let's itemize this and and see if we do the math properly. Charge it to the underhill, senor. Yeah, that is that's right.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 2:22

Everybody has somebody in their friend group that breaks down the bill when everybody goes out. Am I right? Jake, you've seen like the kind the guy that breaks down the bill for your you're right. Yeah, ask my wife. Yeah. I am I'm the guy that just puts down the card, I pay whatever, I probably rip it off every every other time. Wait a minute.

Jake Parrish 2:38

Is that a subtle way of calling me T? You're a bear for detail. That's that's okay.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 2:45

Okay, I'll let it pass. When Fletch starts to order before he goes to see Game for the last time. Okay. What does he ask for? He uh what does he ask for?

"Big Bob" West 2:54

He asks for um Well, the first thing is if they have any caviar. Caviar. Yes, beluga, sir, but it is what$40 a portion?$80 a portion.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Uh do you have any caviar? But it is$80 a portion. Well, well, then I better just take two portions of that.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 3:09

So$80, it's$80 times two. Okay, got it down. Okay, so that's$160.

"Big Bob" West 3:14

Carry the one over. Yes, that's correct. It's$160.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 3:17

So then he asks for lobster thermidor.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

How's the lobster thermidor? I recommend it to you. Good, that'll be fine.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 3:23

So we don't get a price on the lobster thermidor, but he orders two of those. That's right.

"Big Bob" West 3:27

Something to note about that too. You have to also think when you order food from a country club or somewhere private like that, you have to add money to because they're gonna charge you so much more. You know, why you could buy like you know a can of soda somewhere for like you know,$1.50,$2, whatever a bottle of soda for like$2 normally, it's like$8 to Disney. So you gotta assume they're gonna gouge you as well. So whatever the price is, let's add another couple bucks on there,$10,$20. Kind of like a luxury tax.

Jake Parrish 3:57

Yeah, the atmosphere, yeah.

"Big Bob" West 4:00

Yeah. Jake, you know how much it would cost for a lobster thermidor in the 80s?

Jake Parrish 4:04

Well, I mean, right now, today, it it looks like it's average around$50 a portion.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 4:11

$50 to order a lot. That makes sense. So let's let's call it$20 a portion in 1985.

"Big Bob" West 4:17

Uh, I'd go, I'd go higher. I'd go higher actually. Let's split it. Let's get to 25. So I I would say it's gonna be more. I think like$30 would be a more than fair thing to say for a lobster thermidor. Fair enough. Okay, fair enough. By the way, what is lobster thermidor?

Jake Parrish 4:31

Does anybody know? Funny, you should ask. I have it right here. It is a French dish of lobster meat cooked in a rich wine sauce, stuffed back into a lobster shell and browned. The sauce is often a mixture of egg yolks and brandy served with an oven-browned cheese crust. Sounds delicious. No wonder you recommend it.

"Big Bob" West 4:52

Yeah, I must say, you know,$60 for the two portions. Did he get two portions of the lobster fermenter?

Jake Parrish 4:57

Is it just yeah, yeah, that's two dishes, I would say.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 4:59

So not to mention, when when we see the the cart wheeled into Gail's cabana, there are the two plates with the lobster tails. Okay, yes.

"Big Bob" West 5:08

Okay, so we have two portions of that. There are definitely two mouths in that cabana to feed. So okay, so$60. So now we're up to what? Uh you said it was about$160 plus another$60. So we're at$220.$220. Okay.$220,$221, whatever it takes.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 5:23

So and then at that point, oh, and then he orders uh Dom Perignon, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yes. Fine. Bring two bottles of uh Dom Perignon to Cabana One. Very good to see you.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 5:33

And we actually find out the price from Underhill later on. Right. Okay.

Jake Parrish 5:37

And how many did he order? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Two bottles of Dom Perignon,$100 a pop. Jesus H Christ, where is it?

Jake Parrish 5:44

Two. Two. Two. So that's so right now we're sitting at 420. Okay. 420, but also something to consider. Oh, the tips.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Now he gives that waiter and put down$30 for yourself, huh? Which is the nicest place.$30.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 5:59

Oh, wow. Okay. So we got$30 there. So we're already at$420 plus 30 is the same.

Jake Parrish 6:06

And then the two guys that came in to deliver it, he tip to.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

One nice head up. Oh, thank you. I'll take care of it. Give each other$20, okay? Put it on underheel. Oh, which other days? Yard of fuego.

Jake Parrish 6:19

He gives them$20 each.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 6:21

So that's another$40. We're at$490 right now.

"Big Bob" West 6:24

Yes. All right. And keep in mind too, those miscellaneous fees, whatever. Tax and things like that. Yeah. We're probably up to like$540,$550, right? By now. You you want to put$50 on for tax? Maybe that's too high. Oh, well, you know what? So let's add another$20,$20 for miscellaneous plus tax. How about that?

Jake Parrish 6:44

Okay. Sure. Okay. Well,$20 sounds pretty. What's what's what's the total? We're up to$910 right now.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 6:50

Let's not forget that the Underhills ate lunch that day, too.

Jake Parrish 6:53

Oh, oh, that's true. Yeah, I never even thought about that.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 6:56

Yeah. So whatever they ordered is should also be on their bill, right? I mean, they each have a glass of wine. She has red wine, he has white wine. Mrs. Underhill had a big salad because it looks like it looks like there's almost a whole let a head of lettuce in our plate. Whatever Ted had must have been good because A, when the scene starts, he's telling the missus how stuffed he is. And number two, he's very happy to pay that bill. Take a listen to this and let me know if you agree.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Oh, thank you.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 7:30

Right from a sip of wine. He's like, dumpful.

Jake Parrish 7:35

Sandwich or something. Maybe$30 at least. At least.$30,$40 for lunch.

"Big Bob" West 7:40

Yeah.

Jake Parrish 7:41

But we know underhill's not going to tip though, so.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 7:43

Right there. It's$5.50. So yeah, that bill is way off. He's going to be really pissed when he realizes it's wrong. Hey, hats off to the waiter, by the way. Not only remembers a guest of the club, but remembers a guest that he only met once and who he's a guest of.

"Big Bob" West 8:00

I think that waiter is like the I think that waiter is like the captain, if I had to guess. You know how you tipped the captain?

SPEAKER_01 8:06

So obviously the classic first order of the Letty Mary and a steak sandwich and a steak sandwich, please. Very good thing.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 8:13

Didn't come back to hurt him.

"Big Bob" West 8:16

I would assume he's like like the captain of all the waiters, kind of the guy in charge.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 8:20

Yeah, you're probably oh we just we just lost Jake.

"Big Bob" West 8:24

Oh, we lost Jake? Probably the humidity.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 8:32

I'm leaving that in. That was a great line. Thanks. Alright, Jake's back. How about now?

Jake Parrish 8:42

I don't know. All of a sudden it just crashed. It was weird.

"Big Bob" West 8:45

Okay. So uh all right, so so at this point, so we're you know, we're roughly around 550. You know, Underhill now he couldn't be more furious about the situation. What else do you think?

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 8:56

And not only not only is he furious, but Mrs. Underhill has a very rare line. I don't know if you guys have ever heard it. She says, This is criminal. Oh, I never heard that. Oh, I don't remember that. Yes. Well, you're so yeah, you're so focused on him being upset. She takes the bill actually.

FletchCast Intro 9:13

Where is she? Come on, you want.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 9:15

I've never heard that before. That's a great call. Wow. I mean, do you think the waiter got in trouble for the first the steak sandwich and the bloody Mary?

"Big Bob" West 9:24

Uh no, I think that that he I think that just was like uh Underhill wasn't gonna make a big fuss because he doesn't want there to be a reputation that he doesn't tip. But I think that this this situation was gonna, he's gonna have somebody's ass for that.

Jake Parrish 9:36

Yeah, it's out of hand now. It's definitely out of hand, even though it's gorgeous, though, according to you know, Mrs. Stanley. This is great.

"Big Bob" West 9:45

Let me ask you two a question. You brought it up before that the his wife may have the line about it being ridiculous or criminal. Uh who do you think handles the finances in the underhill house?

Jake Parrish 9:55

Oh I would say probably Mr. Underhill. I mean, yeah, the credit cards are in his name, obviously, or maybe a production assistant's name, but anyway, I mean so I would say probably him.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 10:09

Yeah, that's true. That's true. So a$550 bill in 1985 put into the inflation calculator is$1,437 today. Yikes that's a that's a big hit.

Jake Parrish 10:26

Uh no wonder he's banging on the door.

"Big Bob" West 10:30

Mrs. Stanwick! Just to show how much of a rich woman Gail is, she she pays that with not even like a battery.

Jake Parrish 10:36

Yeah, she just grabs it and goes.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Sorry. Thanks. Bye.

Jake Parrish 10:40

He was very nice at first. Uh, someone of your acquaintance.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

I'm sorry to disturb you. It's Ted Underhill here. Someone of your acquaintance has charged a$400 lunch to my account. John, you don't know the underhills? I'd appreciate the opportunity of discussing this matter with you.

Jake Parrish 10:58

Charged a$400 lunch to my and this brings up a good point.

"Big Bob" West 11:03

Ted really isn't a bad guy. I'd be, I mean, could you imagine if you're expecting to pay$30 for lunch, somebody gives you a$1,400 bill? That's what I mean. It's outrageous, isn't it? It's way over the time.

Jake Parrish 11:13

And can I ask, how is it? I mean, you can easily probably, with half a brain, tell the difference between Fleck and Mrs. Stanwick because it's like, I just have to wee wee. I mean, there was a big difference. Oh, imitating your voices there. And he's like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

I'm just out of the shower. Can you wait a minute? I just have to wee wee. Oh, yes, of course.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 11:34

Underhill might have some bladder issues, maybe even some prostate problems, because he goes from irate to extremely sympathetic.

Jake Parrish 11:42

He went out for yeah, and he went out for his urinalysis. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

That's all right, they'll be back. He went out for his urinalysis.

Jake Parrish 11:51

He went out for his urinalysis. So there's definitely something going on these compares with the person who's had he probably has maybe some incontinence issues or something. I don't know. It doesn't go good with a white tennis. Right, right. Or playing tennis at all. My goodness gracious, all the jostling.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 12:09

Well, he definitely wears a diaper then. Poor guy.

Jake Parrish 12:13

Those tennis shorts, you know, they reveal a lot. They don't hide anything. So, you know.

"Big Bob" West 12:19

Yeah, I would I would think he definitely has a diaper on under there. I mean, you know, you know what it's a little subtle thing too, but I love when Gail opens the door and she takes the bill and she's like thanks bye. I love how he nods at her. Like he nods like you know, like like you know, like the satisfaction he gets knowing that like you know, he ain't paying this goddamn bill. Just that that little nod, that little nod to her, and then he then he turns around and walks off. It's so great. Sure, absolutely.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 12:51

Which by the way, no wonder those waiters are so you know, so happy to get that tip. That's like a$50 tip, you know.

"Big Bob" West 13:00

Yeah, yeah, much crosses. Yeah. Now I have a I have a question for you guys. You know, I love to, you know, uh think about these things that what happened later. What do you think the car ride home was like for underhill and his wife after that ordeal? Silence. Silence?

Jake Parrish 13:18

Yeah. Just slowly stewing over what had just previously occurred.

"Big Bob" West 13:24

I think he was just screaming his head off about how this club is out of control. He needs to find a new club.

Jake Parrish 13:30

Yeah, I was gonna say, maybe he quit the club. Maybe that was the last day he was even a member there. Yeah, he was like, that's it, I'm done.

"Big Bob" West 13:37

And then here's the other question, too. This has come up before on our podcast. We're gonna bring it up again. At what point do you think Fletch managed to snag his credit card?

Jake Parrish 13:48

I mean, I would say the locker room, there was that locker room reference, you know. Maybe he was back in there. There was a locker room reference in the book, but there you go. Who knows? There you go.

"Big Bob" West 13:57

So Underhill was taking a shower, he snuck in and swiped it out of his wallet.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 14:02

I can see, I could also see Fletch posing as a waiter and uh taking Underhill's bill with the credit card and just standing with the credit card.

"Big Bob" West 14:09

Yeah, and then just taking over. That's not a bad thing. He does he does pose as a waiter uh when he's in the um uh yeah, when he's being chased by the cops, yeah, when he's being chased by the cops for the door friend.

Jake Parrish 14:20

I'm sorry, this is totally off subject, but I like him when he takes the person's coffee and then scans it to somebody else more coffee, and then turns around and hands and sends it.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 14:32

He also serves the same guy his own coffee. He takes it, serves, and turns right back to him.

Jake Parrish 14:40

Oh my god, that's so that is a great scene. I mean that is such a great scene, right? Right back to him. Oh my god, that's so funny.

"Big Bob" West 14:49

Brilliant more coffee, and you know, for our listeners at home, you know, when when when Fletch is making his way out of the kitchen, he starts yelling things in Spanish, and it could just be gibberish, but yeah, but honestly, if anybody does know what he says in Spanish, give us uh give us a call on our on our hotline and uh let us know what he does to say. Translate that for us. It sounds like gibberish to me. You never know though. We might have a gem that we never noticed, you know.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 15:17

Like puppin' taco. Now, before we close the door on seven days of underhill.

"Big Bob" West 15:21

Uh do we have to?

Jake Parrish 15:22

You know, we do. I don't know what else we could do with it. I think we've we've mined it all.

"Big Bob" West 15:30

We're gonna we're gonna close we're gonna close the door about as fast as Gail closes the door on him. Right.

Jake Parrish 15:37

Exactly. We're gonna grab the bill and go.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 15:40

Well, I hope the Racquet Club has some kind of a back to tank because I need to lay down in it for about a month and just recover from a week. Yes. This week really has been everything. It's been amazing, it's been challenging, it's been filled with laughter, tears, yeah, vomiting, diarrhea. It has more laughter, more tears, right, anger. Just a range of range of emotions, you know? It's really from top to bottom has reached every level of the human emotion and every level of bodily function.

Jake Parrish 16:16

But it was worth it, you know, and we're the ones who did it. You know, no one else out there is doing it.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 16:21

We're doing it. You know? Many have tried, all have failed, but together we did it.

"Big Bob" West 16:28

If you spent an hour with Ted Undertill, oh god, Bob, no. You know, I imagine he has rotary raids, I can't believe. Okay, go on. I imagine he probably every single person he enters, you know, he probably complain, complain, complain about, you know, his favorite uh, you know, uh foot spray isn't isn't in the market, and he's pissed off about that.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 16:51

If somebody cuts underhill off on the road, what what what's the what's the gesture? What do you think he the uh the other cars get? Well, probably just like a shaking fish. I don't know if it would be yeah, maybe a shmohawk. I wasn't sure if he I can see him doing the armbar, the whole like the whole thing.

Jake Parrish 17:06

Oh, yeah, yeah, like the maybe the uh under the chin. Oh, yeah, yeah.

"Big Bob" West 17:10

I can think that's all that that seems to be the I think middle finger is is is too much, and you know, I think that we're he's much more subtle. Yeah, he wants to get out and have a fist fight. Absolutely. His wife has to drag him back into the car every time.

Jake Parrish 17:27

He probably fights like the old 1920s with 100% like 100%.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 17:32

There's no doubt about that. Fists up the whole time. Trading body blows until one man goes down. And one man's victorious on the side of the road.

SPEAKER_06 17:42

That's so funny.

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 17:43

Good lord, how did we get off on this tangent?

Jake Parrish 17:45

Hey, now we're done. Now we're done, right? We're officially done. So now we're done, I think. Okay, we got it all out. We could keep going, but but we would put it in a million scenarios, you know. What would Ted Underhill be as a like an astronaut? He'd probably drink all the tang and and then you know what is monkey doing in here. Yeah, exactly.

"Big Bob" West 18:11

I I the only thing I want to know uh in the in the lore of Underhill is how badly do you think he cheats at tennis?

"Laker Jim" James Kanowitz 18:19

No more. No more. No more. We can go on forever. On that note, we are definitely saying goodbye to seven days of underhill. It's been a great, it's been a great seven days. We've had a lot of fun. We hope you have too. For Jake and Bob, I'm Laker Jim. Be kind to your waiters, please. And we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. We're recasting Fletch in 1985 and today. See ya. Obstra Thermidors all around.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

Now I'm finished. Whatever you say, Mr. Underhill.